it’s the color of my true love’s hair
As a kid, most of the stories I heard and read about black folks were negative or about struggling. It was Dred Scott and MLK, Malcolm X and Crispus Attucks. It was slavery and Civil Rights, spear chucking tribesman and lynchings. There were a few lessons at church that bothered me, too. The story of Ham, Shem, and Japheth, Noah’s sons, had been turned into racial propaganda, with the descendants of Ham being cursed to be servants forever. The descendants of Ham had been interpreted to be black, with Shem and Japheth representing Jews and whites. It’s ridiculous if you put half a thought into it, but people parrot what they hear.
Essentially, I was taught that being black was a burden, something to be ashamed of. It was to be a second class citizen, someone who has to struggle forever, with no escape from their position. “Black is beautiful” only goes so far. “Black is warfare” is probably more apt.
Eventually, I started reading on my own. I read the Autobiography of Malcolm X. I read the Harlem Renaissance stuff we glossed over in school. I read about Nat Turner and Marcus Garvey and Huey P Newton. I learned about black history and gathered up all the context I was missing.
I went through the various stages of pro-blackness (lazy, poorly-researched, strident, exclusive, burnt out, apathetic, completion) and now I’m sitting comfortable. I know who I am, I know where I came from, I know my history, and I’m always learning. I know about the spectrum of the black experience, the richness of a culture born from a people who had their culture stolen from them, and the influence and importance of black people on American culture. I know about Africa, and I know that my prior understanding of it was flawed, but still vital. I’m awake.
I don’t really subscribe to any movements. I’m neither liberal nor conservative. I’m not an activist. The closest thing I’ll cop to is being pro-black, but even that isn’t quite accurate.
Uhuru is Swahili for freedom. The tattoo is a reminder of what I believed was true, how I learned it was not, and all that is right in the world now.
It’s permanent.
